Update

I haven't been on my blog recently, lots of things have been happening. H and I had a great week 10 (last week of the quarter) with what we did together, we did a lot together. I have been feeling FTM recently, I know gender will be a long journey for me. At Thanksgiving I started talking to one of my cousins, K, who had been C (girls name), and he is FTM. It has been great talking to him. This week a mix of good and bad things have happened.

Good: I saw H again, I was dressed all day today and am out in one of my classes, H gave me a dresser and a "closet door" (shower curtain and rod)

Bad: H got expelled due to one of her grades

I was glad H gave me the two things she gave me, she also left food for me with her RA that I need to pick up. I miss H now that she's back in L.A., she may transfer to a public university in my hometown and I hope she does.

warm weather in November :)

Ever since the snowstorm (we got over a foot in late October) it has been warm out. In fact, it has been warm enough for me to do something I love--barefooting. I think barefooting is one of the ways I express my hippie nature. Yesterday I wore jeans and a Beatles hoodie and carried my Birks more often than I wore them and today I am wearing khakis, a Beatles t, and my Beatles hoodie. The only times I actually wore my Birks (not carried them) was when I was somewhere where food was served. When I see green grass and/or rich earth I can't stop myself from going barefoot.

Update

I have been questioning my gender identity even more. Now I am not sure if I am genderqueer or FTM. I have been feeling masculine/male and dressing male exclusively for the past week or so. My PGP (preferred gender pronoun) is gender neutral or male but everyone calls me female pronouns by default and I'm ok with that at least for the time being. As of yesterday five people know my gender identiy. On Monday I showed my notebook where I've been jorunaling my questioning of my gender identity and how I've been identifying from day to day to Th (associate director of LGBTIQA services and social justice incitives at my university, I know him from QSA) and he and I had a meeting over lunch yesterday where I told him about my gender identity and he asked questions and offered advice, it was great having someone else to talk to. On Monday I also came out to B while B, H and I were eating at the dining hall after QSA.

more updates (this past week or so)

My friend M from Chicago is now my long distance friend with benefits (he has a girlfriend and I'm looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend in CO, M and I usally talk via facebook im). I want to visit M and meet his girlfriend, K, soon. On Monday my friend H, who I've talked about some, came out to her dad and his reaction was positive, she was afraid he'd have a bad reaction. Last night I went to a movie night for QSA and I met up with H and two freshmen girls, B and J. After the movie B, J, H and I went to B and J's dorm to meet up with Freshman M (he has the same name as M irl also). B, J, H, Freshman M, and I tried to go to a tea shop but it was closed by the time we took the train and walked, so we went to the Safeway that was there, not the one by our campus. At Safeway, we had a great time and had to leave before H bought the store out :). After we got back to campus, B, J, H, Freshman M, and I went back to H and my dorm and hung out it H's and my rooms until 2am (the movie night started at 7 and we met up with Freshman M at about 9:30). We had a shopping trip planned for two hours ago to celebrate H's coming out to her dad but H overslept so that's been posponed.

Updates on Life

Thursday was Gay? Fine by me. day at my university so I wore my Gay? Fine by me. tshirt. Thursday evening was speed dating with QSA, I put 3 people on my list of people I wanted to do more with and know I have no chance with one of them (a very out gay guy, Ch). I am still waiting for a followup email to see if H and/or C put me on their list. H and C are both cute lesbians. I have mentioned H before on my blog, but I'm just getting to know C. Today I went shopping at thrift stores and got some clothes, 2 pairs of jeans, both androgynous (one "boyfriend" from the "ladies" section and one from the "mens" section), a pair of khakis, and a khaki cargo skirt (it is feminine by nature of being a skirt but fits some definitions of androgynous).

Random Thoughts

One of the family friends I came out to over the weekend visited me at school yesterday. We ate lunch, went to a used bookstore and I introduced my family friend to "H" who is male-to-female trans (MTF). H has been my friend for two years and we dated for a little under a week. It was great introducing H to my family friend. H told me about the German pop singer Kim Petras and I love her now. Some info about Kim Petras: Kim Petras Wikipedia article, Kim Petras official site. Kim is MTF and she's an early transitioner. I found it amazing how well she passes; she is truly a beautiful girl. Being genderqueer, I present as feminine, androgynous and masculine, however I would never want to pass as anything but myself, especially with how my gender identity fluctuates between feminine, masculine, and androgynous from day to day. I am usually feminine/androgynous. Today was my first day working at the table distributing "Gay? Fine by me." tshirts for my university's Gay? Fine by me./National Coming Out Day campaign; many people got shirts, however there were people, like always, who either ignored us completely or were interested in a free tshirt until they saw what it was for. It was great seeing how many people got tshirts and it will be even cooler seeing everyone wear them tomorrow, however I could also tell how far we have to go. There was one guy who was interested in getting a free tshirt until he saw what it said, his reaction was "Sorry, I don't support gay rights or gay people" it was hard for me to hear someone say that to our faces.

a little about me

I am a 20 year old university student at a smaller private school in Colorado. I am a pansexual genderqueer hippie, I am biologically female, I usually identify on the feminine side of androgynous and usually present as feminine. My gender presentation varies from day to day; I love my skirts and blouses and am acquiring masculine and androgynous clothing. I prefer female pronouns sometimes and gender neutral pronouns (ze, hir) some (only 2 people in real life know that I'm genderqueer so people mostly use female pronouns). I am a lifelong hippie, I went to my first Dead show when I was one and a half. I love to wear hippie clothes such as long flowy skirts and concert ts. Most of the music I listen to is older than me (my favorite bands include the Grateful Dead, the Beatles, and the Who). I have also been practicing Paganism actively for about two and a half years and off and on for about 10 years; I was raised a Unitarian Universalist and still practice UUism alongside Paganism. I chose the name for my blog to represent the fact that I'm a hippie and I will be blogging about my personal journey with all its twists and turns.